Why is it important to be aware?
Because 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage or infant loss. And that's a big statistic that nobody ever talks about. I never thought it was a possibility or imagined it would happen to me.
We waited until almost 11 weeks to announce our pregnancy thinking we were close enough to "the safe zone" to share the news. There is no safe zone. A week later I replaced the announcement with a post that we had lost the pregnancy.
I didn't know anyone that this had happened to and I felt like it was just me. And I was so mad that I had shared our excitement only to have to publicly share our pain. I was embarrassed that I had announced this so soon, and to this day every time I see a Pregnancy announcement post sooner than 12 weeks I cringe.
(Its always better to wait until at Least the second Trimester, as most miscarriages happen in the first 12 weeks)
(Its always better to wait until at Least the second Trimester, as most miscarriages happen in the first 12 weeks)
However, after the news got out I received so many supportive messages from my friends who this had happened to, that I never knew anything about. I was surprised that so many people I knew had experienced this as well, and while I was heartbroken it happened to them also, it was a comfort to know that I wasn't alone.
In a society that views unborn children as "A clump of cells" that you can discard as you please- its easy to feel like your feelings are seen as unjustified. That you shouldn't feel as sad as you do. And well meaning people will try and tell you the optimistic side "Well at least ________"
There are many many woman who lost a baby later in term than I did, or had a much worse circumstance than me. And my heart breaks for them, and I pray that something like that never happens to me. But just because someone else has pain deeper than yours does not mean you're not allowed to grieve.
I know woman who have been told they will never be able to have kids, woman who got a positive test but never heard a heartbeat, woman who have lost late term pregnancies, and even woman who have lost their baby the day it was born. Infertility, miscarriage, still birth, and infant loss are all terrible things to have to go through.
No one ever talks about it.
We don't want you to feel bad for us, or not share your excited pregnancy announcements and baby posts with us because your afraid to upset us. We don't want you to feel weird about it or pity us.
But it's important to talk about and raise awareness because it happens so often- and you should know you are not alone, you did nothing wrong, and there are many woman who have experienced it all as well who's hearts go out to you.
It has taken me 2 years to get to a place where I can openly talk about this, and I wanted to share my story because God knows I am not alone. And for me, having those woman reach out to me and share their stories and support helped me heal.
I encourage anyone who feels like they want someone to talk to to reach out to me. I would love to hear your story and talk to you from one lost mom to another.
Please don't be afraid to share your story or post something about it, this month especially.
Remember that October 15th is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day. There are many churches and organizations that do luminaries and such on this day. If there is not one near you light a candle at 7pm and take a moment to remember your own story.
If you would like to read about our pregnancy announcement click the picture below:
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